Heather Summerhayes Cariou

 

 Ms. Cariou was born, raised and educated in Ontario, Canada. As a child, she dreamed of becoming both a writer and a ballerina. When she learned the fates of the Bronte sisters, Emily Dickinson and Sylvia Plath, she chose ballet over writing, and trained for a time at the National Ballet School of Canada. She fantasized that fans would someday drink champagne from her toe shoes, a la Anna Pavlova. Seeing Elaine Stritch as “Mame” in 1969 changed all that, and she decided to become an actress.

As a teen, she was active in several community theatres, high school drama clubs, and was an award-winning young actress in her community. She was also a founding member and Board member of the Ontario Youtheatre. After two years at Ryerson University Theatre School in Toronto, and a third at Sheridan College in Oakville, she graduated with a High Honors diploma in Media Arts. Ms. Cariou made her professional debut with the company at the St. Lawrence Centre for the Arts, where she remained for three seasons. She also became a founding member of the Center for Actor’s Study in Toronto, and subsequently enjoyed a career lasting twenty years, acting professionally on stages across Canada and off-Broadway. While working as an actor, Ms. Cariou also held jobs in sales, fashion, catering, and business management.

As the daughter of the founders of the Canadian Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, Ms. Cariou has been involved in fund-raising and promotion for over forty years. She grew up the eldest of four children, and is growing old(er) as the grandmother of two.

She is a founding member of the Galaxy Writers Workshop in New Jersey, and sits on the Board of the International Women’s Writing Guild, to whom she owes her life as a writer. Ms. Cariou is proud to count the following authors among her mentors: Ted Conover, D.M. Thomas, Sally Bingham, June Gould and Eunice Scarfe.

Married to stage and screen actor Len Cariou, Heather is her husband’s “roadie,” dealing with every conceivable challenge of working and living on location. She is notorious for her ability to prescribe the right self-help book to anyone she’s known for more than ten minutes. Phrases that her friends and associates have used to describe her include “damn the torpedos” and “shoot from the hips.” She can throw a formal dinner party for twelve at the drop of a hat, and has cooked Thanksgiving dinner for the entire cast of a Broadway show on the road in a hotel room. An insatiable reader, her other favorite pastimes include writing poetry, walking, and gourmet cooking. She can golf if she has to.

Ms. Cariou emigrated from Canada to New York City in 1983, and now lives on the Hudson river in New Jersey, with a view of the city she loves. She is working on a novel, and co-producing the feature film "Make Believe" with her husband.

 

"An honest, chilling tale of a family dealing with chronic illness, this memoir's subject is Cariou's sister, Pam, who at the age of four was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis, a terminal disease of the lungs and pancreas marked by severe coughing and malnutrition; unable to pronounce her condition, young Pam dubs it instead "Sixtyfive Roses." What follows is no heartwarming tearjerker" Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc.
 

"Read this book: your life will never be the same." -- Storycircle Book Review, December 13, 2007

 

 

PageOneLit.com: Where did you grow up and was reading and writing a part of your life? Who were your earliest influences and why?

Heather Summerhayes Cariou: I grew up in Canada, in Southwestern Ontario, an area very much like upstate New York, very rural at the time, lots of farms and trees, which I loved. I wrote and read from a very early age. I used to run off into the woods with a pad and a pen and pretend I was the reincarnation of a local historic poet, Pauline Johnson. I wrote poems and recited them to my sister in bed at night. Later in High School, I wrote Rod McKuen rip-off poems, and very good essays. However, I didn't choose writing as a vocation, because the only women writers I was aware of - for instance Emily Dickinson, the Bronte Sisters, Sylvia Plath - had all suffered or died badly and poor. That wasn't for me, so I chose acting. The joke was on me! My earliest influence was actually my Grade 7 and 8 teacher, Mrs. Hagey, who encouraged my writing and I believe held a vision for me, or I should say on my behalf, as a writer, which has actually echoed down to this day. In the early days I read Nancy Drew and Cherry Ames. The first grown-up books I read were Exodus and The Silver Chalice, because they were on my parents' shelf. I think the St. James version of the Bible was also an influence; it's quite poetic.

PageOneLit.com: Sixty-five Roses: A Sister's Memoir is about you and your sister Pam who was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis at the age of four and given only a short time to live -- Briefly explain. Was this book difficult to write or was it a therapeutic?

Heather Summerhayes Cariou: Sixtyfive Roses was at times a joy to write, but most often it was excruciating, visiting those memories. Some days I'd sit and begin to write, then lay down on the floor and cry for two hours, then get up and start writing again. When Pam was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis, I was only six, but I promised to die with her. Instead, she taught me how to live. I found myself focused on the darkness of our life, while she turned her head toward the sun. Cystic Fibrosis is the most common life-threatening genetic disease of children and young adults. At that time, children with CF usually died before the age of six. Pam fought like hell to live, and she succeeded until the age of 26. She knew me and loved me better than I knew and loved myself. Before she died, she told me I was meant to be a writer, and asked me to write "our story." Rather than use the word therapeutic, I'd like to say that writing the book was a great act of healing, as I believe all writing is.

PageOneLit.com: Sixty-five Roses: A Sister's Memoir is about life, hope, family and is very informative... Did I miss anything?

Heather Summerhayes Cariou: You got it covered! It's about becoming a warrior on behalf of your own life, fighting for your life and your dreams and never giving up.

 

PageOneLit.com: What is Cystic Fibrosis?

Heather Summerhayes Cariou: Cystic Fibrosis affects the respiratory system and the pancreas. It's like drowning from the inside. If you've ever had pneumonia, you know a little bit what it's like, except that pneumonia never goes away, it just continues to get worse. And because the pancreas is disabled, you can't obtain and value from your food - you eat and eat, and still starve. Over time, other organs like the heart and kidneys become affected because of the physical stress. The average life expectancy is now 32 years. 10 million Americans carry the gene and most of them don't know it. A CF child is created when two people who both carry this gene, which is recessive, conceive.

PageOneLit.com: The story behind the title Sixty-five Roses is touching -- explain.

Heather Summerhayes Cariou: am couldn't pronounce Cystic Fibrosis when she was little, so she told people she had "Sixtyfive Roses."

PageOneLit.com: At times, you felt guilty for being healthy and at other times, you were jealous that your sister got more attention - Explain.

Heather Summerhayes Cariou: Omigod - it took a whole book to explain that! It's difficult to reduce it to a few sentences. Parents, quite rightly, have to put their energy and focus into the disabled child, while the well children are generally expected to develop compassion and independence beyond their years. Most well-siblings have a very complicated love/resentment/guilt/grief cycle going on. And the sibling relationship can be challenging enough without an illness, addiction, special talent or disability thrown into the mix.

PageoneLit.com: When your sister passed you describe your Grief -- Does Grief ever pass? What helped you through your Grief? What advice do you have for someone who just lost a loved one and is grieving?

Heather Summerhayes Cariou: Pam died 28 years ago, but at moments it still feels like yesterday. Grief has never passed, for me, but it has found a place to live inside me where it doesn't overpower my joy or sense of humour and wonder. Pain is a given, but suffering is optional. We live in a culture that has little place or patience for grief. Friends, family and co-workers often want us to return to being the people we were before our loss, and do it fast. It's not going to happen. We are forever changed, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Full-bore grief usually takes about three years to work it's way through, and one has to be patient and kind to oneself during the process. Cry, take hot baths, long walks, talk to friends, find a grief counselor, write. Eat what you can and what you want, for a time, and sleep. My own friends really held me up and wouldn't let me fall. I have also been watching a friend go through the grief process after the loss of her husband three years ago. She's been magnificent; I've really learned a lot from her. She said she grieved and cried all morning, then at noon she put on her make-up and went out for the afternoon - it didn't matter where, just walking the city, going to a movie, window shopping. She looked after herself - she reached out to friends and made appointments for lunch and dinner, and she did that for months until she felt she was strong enough to be home alone at night. You have to give yourself permission to grieve, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. However, if you feel you aren't starting to move forward, even in baby steps, after a few months, you must seek help. I have so much to say on this subject, but I can't do it all here, unfortunately.

 

PageOneLit.com: Celine Dion wrote the foreword to Sixty-five Roses: A Sister's Memoir - How special was that?
Heather Summerhayes Cariou: I was so thrilled when she agreed to do that! One of the reasons she said yes is because her sister, Karine, died from CF. Also because 5% of the book proceeds will go to CF Research. And also, because she loved the book! I was even more thrilled, if that's possible, when Eva Longoria of "Desperate Housewives" optioned the book to produce as a Feature Film. We're working on attaching an actress to the project right now.

PageOneLit.com: What do you hope to achieve Sixty-five Roses: A Sister's Memoir?

Heather Summerhayes Cariou:  I hope to comfort and inspire, validate and illuminate readers, so they'll be able to find the energy and power to face their own obstacles or overcome their own loss. I hope after reading "Sixtyfive Roses," readers will become warriors on behalf of their own lives, repair their broken relationships, give themselves permission to fight for their dreams.

 

PageOneLit.com: What's next?

Heather Summerhayes Cariou: I'm working on a novel about family betrayal, actively promoting Sixtyfive Roses (love doing Book Clubs in person or by Skype!), teaching memoir workshops, speaking to service organizations, and acting as co-producer on the film. I am also my actor husband's "roadie," so while doing all the above, I am also packing, unpacking and setting up shop as we travel around North America wherever he works. Next stops are Toronto and Chicago with the new musical "Rob Roy."

PageOneLit.com: What was the last book you read?

Heather Summerhayes Cariou: I one of those people who reads two or three books at a time, slowly. I'm currently reading Impac winner "No Great Mischeif" by Alistair McLeod, the collected short stories of Alice Munro, and "How to Grow a Novel" by Sol Stein. And I read the poetry of Mary Oliver on a regular basis.