Peggy Koehler
Peggy Koehler
was born and raised in Manhattan with the
proverbial silver
spoon in her mouth. She married the poor boy
from the Bronx and set off on a fifty-year
adventure into marriage and motherhood. When the
first of their five children was born, her
silver spoon was hastily replaced with a plastic
one.
Today, Peggy uses her time-honored principles to
encourage others on their life-walk. She is
active in church and e-publishes a weekly
Bible-based lesson for Sunday School teachers on
a world wide website:
www.csdirectory.com
She
works from home as a sales agent for
inspirational producer/vendors, distributing
their multimedia products to religious catalogs,
ministries and bookstores.
Peggy lives in California in the home she shared
with her beloved husband Ken and enjoys spending
quality time with her five children and nine
grandchildren.
Ken Koehler was born in the Bronx; married the
girl of his dreams; worked and traveled
excessively for a Fortune 500 company, and
dedicated his life to his children and the
“bride” he adored forever. Though he passed away
in 2004, he contributed to this book through the
weekly column he wrote for a local Southern
California newspaper and the numerous letters he
penned to his precious wife.
Ken left behind his unique legacy of love and
laughter. He was and is a Spiritual
http://www.ourlegacyoflove.net
PageOneLit.com: Where did you grow up and was reading
and writing a part of your life? Who were your earliest
influences and why?
Peggy Koehler:
My
early years were spent in New York City. I went to a
boarding school for Christian Scientists from 6th
– 12th grade in Stamford, CT. During that time we lived
in Mt. Vernon, NY. When I was 18 we moved back to NY and
I lived on 55th Street until I was married.
Reading was always an important part of my life much
more than writing, although I did like to write
children’s stories. I specifically liked reading
biographies especially about actors and actresses, as I
loved the movies and theater. I also loved reading Bible
stories. My earliest influences were my dad and the
many African-American housekeepers who worked in our
home. When I came home from school on weekends I’d spend
many hours in the kitchen visiting with them and
enjoying their stories. They were more like second
mothers to me. My folks worked full time. They owned
and operated a very successful antique business in the
city. I spent a lot of time alone, therefore loved to
read about people and places and often pretended I was
living their lives.
PageOneLit.com: Your new book is "OUR LEGACY OF LOVE" --
I understand your late husband of fifty years (Ken
Koehler) was the co-author. What is your message in this
book? How long did it take to write this book?
Peggy
Koehler:
I started writing Legacy six weeks after my
husband passed on, which was in April, 2004, eleven
weeks after we celebrated our 50th Wedding
Anniversary. A friend who conducted Ken’s memorial
service suggested I write our story as she felt it would
bless so many others who may be facing some of the same
challenges we did. I printed about 50 copies of the
book for our five children, plus friends and family
members in December, 04. It seemed to be so well
received that I sent the manuscript to a Literary
Service and the owner wrote back that he really enjoyed
it. He encouraged me to rewrite it and publish it. I
self-published the book and it was released in April,
2007.
My
message is if you can remember why you fell in love with
each other than never, never, never, give up on your
relationship. Obviously, there are often justifiable
circumstances which would make it impossible for a
couple to stay together, but even though we had our
share of problems, divorce was never a viable option.
Never lose your sense of humor, at least at the same
time. Marriage is not 50 – 50; its 100 – 100%. I doubt
we would have survived the many challenges we faced
without a great deal of prayer, faith and absolute trust
in a Supreme Being. When writing Legacy there
was one other key message I wanted to focus on; namely
overcoming all types of prejudices – racial, religious
and political. As our teenage daughter once wrote;
“Love comes in all colors.” Above that sentence, she
had painted a beautiful bouquet of multi-colored
flowers. What would our world be like if parents didn’t
pass on their own prejudices to their offspring?
There’s no such thing as an intolerant gene.
Bigotry is taught, not inherited.
PageOneLit.com: In "OUR LEGACY OF LOVE" you reveal that
your husband Ken wrote/contributed to a weekly newspaper
column. Briefly tell us about the column and some of the
things he wrote about.
Peggy Koehler:
Ken
described his column this way: A weekly column with
a touch of humor, whimsy and nostalgia. Kenfetti
(the normal spelling is “confetti”) is bits and
pieces of sometimes obscure and sometimes trifling
information. Gaily-colored bon mots rather than
bonbons, all tossed to gladden your way. He wrote
about family holidays, his children, trying to open an
aspirin bottle & other difficult packaging products, our
dogs, common place versus common sense, fishing, getting
the kids to eat over their plates, Halloween,
mothers-in-laws, the English language, camping, etc.
PageOneLit.com: If you had to describe your husband in
two words what would they be and why?
Peggy Koehler:
Unconditional love. My husband was a “spiritual
millionaire.” He saw beauty in nature and people. He
loved making others happy whether strangers or family.
He truly cared about everyone who crossed his path. The
love of his life was his wife and children. Not many
people would receive a card from the local Post Office
when they passed away, all writing something special
about him and how much they would miss his customary
greeting;
“Happy Monday everyone” (or Tuesday, etc.) He magnified
the good he saw in others. He was brilliant, an avid
reader of everything, especially “footnotes.” A
stranger was just a friend he hadn’t met yet. He loved
in order – God, his family and his country. His sense
of humor was legend to those who knew him. No matter
what trials we faced, he’d always say: “Just keep
looking for that strawberry, Honey, remember, there’s
one in every patch.”
PageOneLit.com: What is a "Kenism"? Can you give us an
example of one?
Peggy Koehler:“Move
it, milk it, paint it, or salute it.” “The sign says
yield, not surrender.” “We may be lost but we’re making
excellent time.” (Take your pick).
PageOneLit.com: In "OUR LEGACY OF LOVE" you say that the
key to a successful relationship is a 'good sense of
humor" Explain. For a married couple to make it 50 years
what else does it take?
Peggy Koehler:When
a situation arises that you feel is disruptive or
unfair, ask yourself how do I feel (for instance) about
the kids fighting all the time. Do you think they will
get along when one is 71 and the other is 73? Try and
find something humorous to focus on. “Hey, Sweetheart,
at least be happy our son didn’t total the car or
hurt anyone else. As soon as the cast comes off, he and
I can put the fender back on and buy new headlights.”
If you’re involved in an argument with your spouse –
lock yourselves in the bedroom, undress and then try
staying mad at each other when arguing in your birthday
suits.
The
most important thing is for one of you to be “up” when
the other is “down.” Compassion, empathy and
communication are the keys to any relationship. Your
spouse should first and foremost be your best friend.
Obviously adjustments have to be made on both sides of
the aisle. Learn to respect and tolerate your
differences. If you wanted a spouse just like you –
then you’d have had to marry yourself. I’ve heard
people say; “I want to find the perfect mate.” If you
ever did find him/her, then you’d best be perfect
yourself. Quit nit-picking over every little thing they
do or don’t do. Above all, keep your relationship
God-centered, not me-centered. Learn to listen,
really listen to what the other is saying and read
between the lines. You may be struggling with the
children but he may be having major problems at
work. Talk to each other. Make a list of all
that is right and all that you feel is wrong. Which
outweighs the other – then ask yourself – Is this
relationship worth investing in or not? Treat the one
you fell in love with the same way you would want to be
treated – alias “The Golden Rule.” Over the years I’ve
talked to many couples who were having problems with
their partners and I essentially tell them they have
three choices: (1) Learn to live with the challenges
and resentments and both of you remain angry and unhappy
while together. (2) Divorce. (3) Change your actions
and behavior first even though you think it’s all the
other one’s fault. I learned early on to turn to God in
prayer – to trust that He has the right answers for all
His children and doesn’t play favorites. “Pride goes
before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall.”
(Proverbs, KJV Bible)
PageOneLit.com: "OUR LEGACY OF LOVE" you mention many
'Lion's Den' challenges -- In 50 years which one was the
toughest and why?
Peggy
Koehler:
Trying to hone in on only one is not easy, but I guess
it was when son #2 got lost when riding his trail bike
when we lived in Connecticut. He and his friend had
left in the morning; the temperature was a balmy 60
degrees in April. By evening the thermometer had
dropped to below freezing. They hadn’t worn coats, were
in short sleeve shirts, and of course neglected to bring
anything to eat. By 7 pm my husband called the police
and the search was on. Ken, our oldest son and our
foster son also went looking for him. There were so
many trails the kids used to ride that we had no idea
where they were. The younger children and I stayed home
and prayed. They found the boys the next morning.
Their bikes had broken down, which was par for the
course, and even though they finally fixed them, it was
too dark to navigate off the mountainous trail. My
husband found them the next morning. They had buried
themselves under leaves to try and keep warm. They were
cold and hungry but couldn’t wait to go to school that
day to brag about their grand adventure. Just one more
notch in my prayer belt. Thank you God!
PageOneLit.com: What do you feel is your 'LEGACY OF
LOVE'? Sharing
with others the many lessons I learned in not giving up
when there were countless times we both wanted “out” of
the marriage. I never would have made it without a
higher faith and trust. So often couples call it quits
because it’s so much easier than trying to work out
their differences. We’ve all heard this popular
saying: “Winners never quit and quitters never win.”
The night before Ken and I had our first date, I had
prayed knowing that I could not be deprived of right
companionship. I was living in the city and had no
friends, male or female. Ken and I truly believed our
Heavenly Father had brought us together and therefore
figured He must have meant for us to stay together.
Previously we both had been engaged to someone else.
Our Legacy of Love is the realization that we actually
managed to live on earth a marriage made in heaven.
When something turns out that good, that special you
just have to share it with others – the good, the bad
and the beautiful.
Peggy Koehler:
In July 1, 2007, there was an article published in The
New York Times by Sam Roberts entitled “The Shelf Life
of Bliss.” I quote the first three sentences: “FORGET
the proverbial seven-year itch. Not to disillusion that
half million or so June brides and bridegrooms who were
just married, but new research suggests that the spark
may fizzle within only three years.” Marriage, like
anything else takes hard work to succeed. Giving up is
easy but keeping that fire burning when all you want to
do is snuff it out – that takes love, commitment and
staying power. Believe me, “the grass is not always
greener on the other side of the fence.” Hopefully “Our
Legacy of Love” will help others find the answers to
making their relationship work not for just three years
or seven years but for a lifetime.
PageOneLit.com: What do you feel Ken would say about
"OUR LEGACY OF LOVE" if he had the chance to read it?
Peggy Koehler: “My Darling – I am so very proud of you. I can’t
believe you actually did it! Thank you for sharing our
story which I know will bless so many others. Thank you
for loving me no matter what and know that I love you
forever and ever. Your Ken.”
PageOneLit.com: What did you learn from writing "OUR
LEGACY OF LOVE"? What do you hope readers will say after
reading "OUR LEGACY OF LOVE"?
Peggy Koehler:
When I began reliving fifty plus years of our life
together and actually putting on paper the events which
transpired, I realized that what I thought were the most
miserable times, especially during the teenage years,
turned out to be funny when I wrote about them. I asked
myself how I could possibly laugh now when I had been so
unhappy at the time. Each experience helped me to grow
in my spiritual walk. One of the greatest enrichments
for our marriage was attending a Marriage Encounter
Weekend. I wish we had done it earlier. We went after
we had been married for 20 years. I explain what the
weekend was all about in the book. As I reread the
numerous love letters Ken and I wrote to each other
after that weekend, I apprehended for the first time
some of the work-related problems he was facing due to
his extensive traveling schedule and how difficult it
was for him to come home from a two week trip and have
to encounter all the troubles I was hurling at him
concerning six teenagers. At the time I had been
oblivious to his needs and only thinking of mine. I was
angry at him for not being more supportive of me. I
thought to myself; “Peggy, how supportive were you
towards him? I wished I could have hugged Ken just one
more time and tell him how very much I loved him and how
sorry I was for being so insensitive. When you lose
someone you love, you realize that it’s too late to say;
“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean what I said. Please forgive
me.” Don’t ever let “regrets” become a constant
heartache when a loved one has passed.
The following are some comments from readers:
This book is a true work of heart and soul…a woman’s
loving tribute to the man she loved for over 50 years.
Peggy invites you into her family’s home and takes you
back to a simpler time with humor and attention to
detail. You will want to curl up in their living room
and not leave.
Legacy is so “apple pie” Americana that it should be on
the NY Time’s best seller list.
I
could only hope to some day have something as strong and
rare as you and Ken shared. What a great story! The
loss of a life-mate is something that no one gets over.
Your memories, now put into words, are a tribute to your
continuing love for Ken – and to your obvious gratitude
to God for placing him in your life.
I’ve
always loved “love stories,” but all I can say is
“Wow!” The story of Ken and Peggy is so amazing. You
can hear the love they have for each other in the words
Peggy speaks. It seems that most people in their
lifetime don’t even get a glimpse of what the Koehler’s
shared. And although it sounded like times weren’t
always easy, it still is a true fairy tale. So maybe
true love can still exist! That kind of love really must
be the most amazing experience in the whole world.
HONEST, HUMOROUS, HEARTWARMING!
Many
of the stories jump from the pages and feel real – and
feel like part of a life, yours and your families, and I
have gained both knowledge and wisdom by your sharing
your family. Thank you for allowing me to see a small
glimpse – and thank you for reinforcing the loving,
positive and hopeful demeanor we should all aspire to.
The
following is excerpts from a book report by a 15 year
old. She had read Legacy and received an “A” on her
report: Normally when books say that “you’ll laugh
out loud” you never do. But I did laugh loud. Peggy
makes you feel what she was feeling when she was living
the moment. You’d never think someone who isn’t famous
would have such an interesting life story to tell.
Every chapter I read, Peggy just keeps me smiling and
wanting more… I like how she is writing the book. I was
definitely satisfied by the end of the book. When I
first started reading it, I didn’t think I was going to
enjoy it, but I was wrong. I like reading love stories
and to read this one and know it happened to real people
really made the book meaningful If you aren’t a
believer in true love or finding a soul mate, read this
book and you’ll think otherwise.
PageOneLit.com: What's next?
Peggy Koehler:
I’ve
been working on writing Bible-based lessons for Sunday
School students. My objective is to make these age-old
stories contemporary, interesting and the questions
humorous enough to appeal to a teenage audience. I also
work from home distributing inspirational DVD’s to
religious catalogs, bookstores, direct mail and
ministries. I’m looking for new ways to share our story
with others. At Christmas time (2007), I sent two cases
of books (50) as a gift to chaplains embedded with our
troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. I had read about some
of the relationship challenges these men and women were
encountering being away from their loved ones for such
long periods of time.
PageOneLit.com: What was the last book you read?
Peggy Koehler:
Science
and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker
Eddy.
PageOneLit.com: Do you have any hobbies? What are
they? How do they enhance your writing?
Peggy Koehler:
I constantly read inspirational books as well as
romance and mystery novels. I love to walk. I attend a
writing class once a week. I taught Sunday School for
over fifty years, and may begin teaching again. I love
interacting with young people, especially our children
and grandchildren. I spend lots of time on the phone
talking to my clients, most of whom I have worked with
for over 15 years. They too have become good friends.
At the moment, I’m not writing anything specific, but
down the road I might feel inclined to write short
stories. I prefer to write non-fiction.
