Steve Nakamoto

Steve Nakamoto is a former instructor for Dale Carnegie & Associates where he taught the principles of human relations, self-confidence, and effective speaking. Steve also served as a personal development trainer for motivational expert Tony Robbins. During that time, Steve says, "I honed in my observation skills, developed an expertise in the use of metaphors, and learned the fundamentals of relationship mastery." Steve's recent career in the travel industry as a professional tour director has provided him with countless opportunities to observe social interactions between women and men. To date, Steve has been on 28 cruises, 27 Club Med vacations, and dozens of land tours, ski vacations, and resort seminars. Steve says, "In my experience of love, I've been caught by a few women only to be thrown back time and again. But on a rare occasion, I've also been told that I was the big one that got away. I've spent more than seven years refining my Men Are Like Fish metaphor. My deepest wish is for you to have a more romantic, exciting, fun, inspiring, committed and fulfilling love relationship as a result of your better understanding of men and love." Steve lives by the ocean in Southern California where he enjoys surfing and playing beach volleyball. Catch Steve online at www.menarelikefish.com

 

 

"Steve Nakamoto has created a one-of-a-kind relationship book that's not only fun and easy to read, but is also packed with helpful pointers, universal truths, and unique insights."
John Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

 

Sweetly old-fashioned, yet wickedly on target. Men Are Like Fish is guaranteed to give even the most jaded and discouraged romantic angler a new, more joyful perspective on the oldest sport in the world. ForeWordreviews.com

 

Solid and practical advice for enhancing your feminine allure and inspiring your special man. Entertaining, provocative, and filled with great quotes. Dr. Toni Grant, Clinical and Media Psychologist

 

"A wonderful and insightful approach to help women truly understand the inner being of a man. Our single women clients really love this book and have benefited greatly from the unique information. This is one of the best relationship books on the market today."
Janet Whitney, M.A., Marriage, Family, Child Counselor Mars & Venus Counseling Center
Newport Beach, CA

 

Pageonelit.com: Where did you grow up and was reading and writing a part of your life? Who were your earliest influences and why?

Steve Nakamoto: In 6th grade I moved from a poor area of Los Angeles to the upper middle class suburb of Palos Verdes. I was a bright kid in all subjects, except writing. So in a way it is ironic that I would become an author. My parents did however purchase a set of the World Book Encyclopedia which I read wholeheartedly from cover-to-cover.

The biggest influences of my adolescent life aside from my family and friends were sports (basketball, baseball, surfing) heroes and the Beatles. I learned to play the guitar and sing Beatles songs which made me kind of a romantic teenager. But mostly my claim to fame was that I was the basketball star at my high school. I also loved to surf which was a cool thing about growing up close to the beach in Southern California.

 

Pageonelit.com: Why do you write?

Steve Nakamoto: I write because I've got ideas to share that I think will make a difference. I learned a lot of mental skills during my 7 years as a personal development trainer for motivational guru Tony Robbins. So I have a better grasp of things like success, wealth, happiness, transformation, and love than the average person. In the area of love relationships I've also had some very unique experiences (socializing with a Playboy Playmate, dueling Clint Eastwood for a woman, and having a Love Boat-type cruiseship romance to name a few) which convinced me that I was destined to write something special on this subject.

 

Pageonelit.com: Tell us about your book MEN ARE LIKE FISH. Why did you write this book? Explain your title and what it says about your message and the book as a whole.

Steve Nakamoto: Men Are Like Fish uses a fishing metaphor to illustrate how a woman can hook-up with the right man and land his elusive love. It's another way of looking at love in a fun and simple way (from a man¹s point-of-view).

I wrote this book as the result of my own search for answers. I had a love affair that ended badly for me many years ago and it took me a long time to recover emotionally. Then I came across the work of Tony Robbins in the field of neurolinguistic programming which gave me some specific cause and effect reasons why romantic love happens.

I began working on the idea of a book titled "Instant Romance" which was about how you can use neurolinguistic programming techniques to get people to fall in love with you, especially on cruises and Club Med vacations.

Then one day I started noticing how people use fishing words in relationship phrases like he's a nice catch, she landed a husband, he fell for her hook, line, and sinker, there are more fish in the sea, and don¹t let the big one get away, to name a few. Part of my training with Tony Robbins was in the use of metaphors to create perceptional shifts and better understanding of complex ideas. So my book idea evolved into Fishing For Love.

But writing still seemed a chore for me, so I took the easier route and decided to create a book of 500 quotations around the love and fishing theme. I went to book writing seminars and had my book idea evaluated by literary agents and book editors at the Maui Writer's Conference. In a nutshell, the feedback was that any relationship book with the word 'Fishing' as its lead-in would end up in the sports section of the book store. Also my original book idea was written for men and the agents and editors said that no publisher would take on a relationship book targeted for a predominately male audience. That's because research shows that nearly 80% of all relationship books are purchased by women.

So I had to come up with an idea about relationships from a man's point of view but written for a female audience. They also told me that the book of quotations was a bad idea and that it would only fly if I actually wrote a first person narrative with personal anecdotes. At the time that seemed like a hard task for me to accomplish.

Then I came across a lady on a sightseeing tour that I was conducting (my part-time occupation is as a professional tour director) who told me, "Steve I've heard you talk about your fishing for love idea and it reminds me of the old saying that a man chases a woman until she catches him."

I found out that the saying was an American proverb (folk wisdom passed down through generations) which meant that if the woman is doing the catching, that makes the man the fish. I had it the other way around. Once I realize that love works best in America when it's the man who is the fish, then the book fell into place. I had the first edition of the book completed about 6 months later.

That first edition came out in January 2000 and won an honorable mention certificate in the Writer's Digest 2000 Self-Published Nonfiction Book Awards. For the next two years I went on over 180 radio talk shows where I discussed my book and tested out some new ideas. I definitely learned more in those two years of promoting than the previous 7 years when I was researching and writing the original book.

So it's the second edition of Men Are Like Fish that is out now in bookstores and Amazon.com. This new edition is expanded, rewritten, updated, and loaded with unique new decision tools. I also took a calculated risk in making this new version a little bit more provocative. I hope that women can see the greater value in well-qualified straight talk instead of the usual wishy-washy self-help takes. But I realize that love is a very personal and sensitive issue so some women are just going to get offended and angry at the audacity of a man advising a woman on what to do. (What I'm really doing is describing how men fall in love and women are free to use this information or not.)

 

Pageonelit.com: MEN ARE LIKE FISH really hooks you (pun intended) with all of the wonderful quotes sprinkled from beginning to end -- One reviewer wrote "the book is almost Zenlike." Talk a little about your personal outlook on everyday life and your knowledge and experience in the self achieving science. You are a former Dale Carnegie instructor?

Steve Nakamoto: I've come to believe that life is more about reaching for fulfillment rather than simple fun or pleasure. It's also about finding out what a person can be passionate about in life (at least for a man). I used to think that there were exotic places in the world where I'd rather live, but the more I traveled (as a professional tour director) the more I wanted to go home where I have longtime friends, can work on my writing projects, and go surfing or play beach volleyball whenever I wish.

In regards to the self achieving science, I learned from the best when I was a trainer for Tony Robbins. Success and failure are the natural cumulative result of 1) the decisions you make, 2) the outcomes you define, 3) the strategies you employ, and 4) the quality of actions you take. How masterfully you do all this will largely determine the results in your life.

As far as love is concerned, the real issue is about intimacy rather than romance. Unfortunately, the young American public is swayed more toward the colorful dating and romance side of relationships. Our pop culture is not very enlightened or wise needless to say.

My time as a Dale Carnegie instructor helped me to develop my speaking skills and how to employ Mr. Carnegie's 30 human relation principles. In the 2 1/2 years in this capacity, I also became quite expert on how to give a 2 minute Dale Carnegie-type speech. But I still came across a little stiff on the speaking platform. And it was a goal of mine to become a great speaker someday.

My speaking and human relation skills were greatly enhanced in the most unforeseen arena. And that was in my role as a tour director where I would have to keep 40 people entertained and happy 9 hours a day on a bus for two weeks!

So giving a 45 minute about Men Are Like Fish is no sweat compared to leading a tour group.

 

Pageonelit.com: Being male and married, I did not think MEN ARE LIKE FISH would be a book I would enjoy but to do this interview I read the book and found it absolutely wonderful and inspiring -- Do you get this from other men? If yes why? If no why? Were you only writing for women when you wrote this book or did you intentionally write so men would enjoy the book as well?

Steve Nakamoto: Men will often comment on how my ideas are right on. Others ask how I had the nerve to say what I did. And on a recent radio talk show where the host asked how I came up with so much material I said, "All it takes is a lot of thought, everyday, for many years."

The men who don't like me or my book think that I'm on an ego trip, want to make a lot of money, or need the notoriety in order to get laid. But these fellows are only those who hear of my book but never actually read it.

I intentionally wrote this book specifically for women, but used the type of language that men usually relate to well. One of my biggest challenges was in teaching women about fishing concepts. In my speeches I'm able to more clearly demonstrate what I mean. But some things tend to get lost in my written translation.

But I think that my book is one of the rare love-relationship books that both sexes can use as a common reference and therein lies a unique benefit.

 

Pageonelit.com: You say, "Slack line is the result of carelessness and neglect... maintain a tight responsive connection with your catch by taking up all the unnecessary slack in your line. That applies to both fishing and your love life." Please Explain.

Steve Nakamoto: I'm talking about how we get slack in how we talk, listen, understand and appreciate others. If we get too careless and complacent about how we communicate with others, we run the risk of losing their attention and eventually their love.

For example, a person takes up the slack in their small talk by 1) being brief, 2) having something good to say, 3) learning to say it well, 4) saying it with the appropriate emotional power, 5) knowing what not to say, 6) focusing more on listening, and 7) adjusting the tone and volume controls for more enjoyable listening.

But overall, complacency and neglect about how you communicate are the beginning of many love problems further down the road.

 

Pageonelit.com: You are an experienced published author - What advice can you offer for those writers who are working on their first book?

Steve Nakamoto: The most important thing is to get high-quality unbiased help periodically. Some people are in the business of helping people and may want your money instead of your ideas. And there are other people who would rather be your friend instead of giving you the proper critical feedback. A lot depends on your topic and the nature of your genre so it's important that you get to know a few friendly and helpful authors in your same field.

It cost me a few hundred dollars to attend the Maui Writer's Conference in order to get my book reviewed by book editors and literary agents, but they told me what I needed to hear. And that was my book (originally a love quotation book written for men) would never sell in its present format. Although I wasn¹t happy at first, this feedback helped me avoid wasting any more time and saved me a lot of frustration later.

Writing a book is a longer journey than most people can imagine. It also has many twists and turns of fortune along the way. Surprises become the norm. And as one person jokingly but wisely warned me, "don't quit your day job."

 

Pageonelit.com: What has been your feedback from readers? What do they say to you about their interpretations of your books?

Steve Nakamoto: The people who appreciate my book are the ones who scribble notes all over the pages and have questions for me. I really admire those people and know that their caring will be richly rewarded as they master this subject.

There are others, however, both men and women who react angrily and refuse to take responsibility for learning and understanding about love. These people may even buy dozens of relationship books, but the central problem never gets solved. And that is to start over with a clean slate, be fully responsible for their love life, and master the fundamentals of healthy self-esteem, communication skills, and love relationships.

One of my challenges in writing a somewhat provocative book is that a woman doesn't have to like it in order for it to be true. For example, I wrote about how physical awkwardness with a woman who is too tall or big may spook away some men some of the time. Now if I were to ask a man about this he could probably see how this can be true, but I've had a recent complaint from a female reader who got really offended with this line. So I'm always faced with that dilemma of writing something that is true but sensitive rather than just avoiding the subject altogether.

But honestly I think that most people who get a hold of my book just dabble in the subject matter and skim through the pages. And by doing this, my book unfortunately is doomed to have only limited value.

 

Pageonelit.com: Who are your favorite writers and why?

Steve Nakamoto: I really enjoyed reading Steve Martin's (the former Wild and Crazy Guy) novel, Shopgirl. He did a very artful job of describing how slightly-older guys look at young, beautiful women.

My favorite novelist of all-time is Anton Myrer who wrote two books that went on to become television mini-series, The Last Convertible and Once An Eagle. I've always been a fan of love stories around the World War II time period (like last years popular movie, Pearl Harbor).

I also like to buy nonfiction business books by Tom Peters, Trout & Ries, Michael LeBoeff, and Robert G. Allen. My bachelor's degree is in finance and I always seem to gravitate back toward innovative business books.

 

Pageonelit.com: What's next?

Steve Nakamoto: I'm working on two new in-depth Special Reports. One is titled "How Men Judge the Women They Date Unfairly" and the other "The Woman¹s Wiggle: How to Keep Men Fascinated Forever." Both concepts are briefly introduced in the second edition of Men Are Like Fish.

I'm also half way through producing my audio workshop which is 8 hours of live conversations on 16 keys issues around the Men Are Like Fish theme. The complete Men Are Like Fish package (which includes an autographed book, the audio workshop, and 3 special reports) will be available on my website for people to sample and purchase in the Spring of 1993.

I'm also working on a motivational book using a surprising new metaphor for overcoming obstacles. I've got a fun and colorful seminar idea also around this new idea. Who knows? It could be the next big thing in business seminars.

My long-term aim is to shift my direction away from the sometimes juvenile and hostile dating-romance area toward the more enlightened and friendly motivational-inspirational genre.

 

Pageonelit.com: What was the last book you read?

Steve Nakamoto: I read a book on an airplane last week titled, Build a Better Spouse Trap: A Street-Smart Dating Strategy for men Who Have Lost a Love by Theodore S. Wentworth.

It was written by a man who is 14 years older than I am about finding love again which was my original motivation for writing Men Are Like Fish.

I enjoyed the candor in which he writes about losing his wife to cancer and how he went about creating a system for finding a new wife. Wentworth had the nerve to write a relationship book targeted primarily for men.

The one idea that specifically was of value to me was the concept of final acceptance....the point where the past no longer bothers you and you can move forward with ease. That one distinction was worth the entire price of the book for me.

I think there is exceptional value in SpouseTrap for mature men seeking love and a new marriage.

 

Pageonelit.com: Do you have any hobbies? What are they? How do they enhance your writing.

Steve Nakamoto: Writing and creating book ideas is my main hobby, but I also love to surf, play beach volleyball, go places with my girlfriend, and do a little tour directing.

Tour directing really helps me test new ideas and gets me to be more of an extrovert. My best works usually comes after I've returned from a week of being on the road conducting sightseeing tours.

Surfing and volleyball are a refreshing break from writing. Like I said in the beginning, writing doesn't come easy for me. But creating ideas does. So the more that I refresh myself, the more creative I become and the better work I eventually produce.

And my girlfriend helps remind me what all this Men Are Like Fish business is for. And that is love, intimacy, and romance. She's watched me grow as a person because of writing this book. And she's a constant reminder that writing and publishing a good book is a worthy achievement to be sincerely proud of.

As long as I am making a positive difference in other people's lives, I'll happily continue writing new books.